Laying it All Out There

Well, if you thought I overshared on the last post, get ready because there's more!

I admit, I broke out into a cold sweat after hitting "post" on the last entry. I have never put myself and my struggles out there for the world to see. Those who truly know me know that at my core, I am a very shy, introverted person. I really have to work to make friends, be confident, and reveal my true self. I've always been taught to put on the happy face and make everyone think that everything is great and that I have it all under control.

The truth is, I'm mortified that I've "let myself go" and that this struggle with emotional eating has such a hold on me. I have finally found my "want to" (referencing Lysa TerKeurst in her must read book "Made to Crave") when it comes to finally deciding to get a firm hold on this problem with God's guidance, and making it disappear forever. I am so highly motivated right now, that I want to share that motivation with others that are on a weight loss journey.

I have found inspiration in an unexpected place. I started watching "The Biggest Loser" reruns on Netflix a few weeks ago. I had never really been an avid watcher of the show, but now I am addicted to watching these people transform their bodies, minds, and hearts as they lose the weight and the emotional baggage that they brought to the show. For the first time, I really felt like I could do this. That I could lose this weight and get my life back.

During the weigh in portion of the show, the contestants wear exercise gear that basically forces them to put all their flaws on display. When I first saw that, I thought, "there is no way I would go on tv in my sports bra with my gut hanging out! What's wrong with these people?" But then it hit me. Achieving anything in life that's worth anything requires you to get out of your comfort zone, to lay it all on the line, and to open yourself to criticism. You have to make yourself vulnerable and take chances to reap those blessings. You have to examine yourself and really identify what needs to change before you can make any concrete changes.

Again, this truth is illustrated in my life by my son. Haden came into our lives thru the miracle of adoption. And you better believe that was the most vulnerable time of my life. We had to examine our lives and be picked apart, so to speak, by the agency when they did our homestudy. We had to open ourselves up and accept that even if we bonded with birth parents and their unborn baby, that it could all be taken away from us if they had a change of heart. We had to trust that Haden's birth mother was taking care of her body and doing what was best for him while he was in the womb. During his entire first day of life, we had to trust that the staff at the hospital was loving on him and taking as good of care of him as we would have, and that someone was helping Haden's birth parents thru the emotional hell that they were going thru. Then, we had to put ourselves out there again, and take Haden home knowing that for an entire week until the court hearing that terminated his birth parents' parental rights, they could ask for him back at anytime and we could do nothing about it. Not to mention the 8 months of waiting to finalize, and the two post placement visits to our home where now our novice parenting skills were on the table for judgement. I can honestly say that I do not regret a single part of our journey to Haden, and it helped me see that being vulnerable was ok.

So I think it's fair to say that I know what it is to lay it all out there. I have always said that I am an open book and that I have nothing to hide. And my weight loss journey should be no different. That is why I'm going to try to document, the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of the next few months. I think for people to truly be inspired and to understand the sacrifice and the transformation that one makes, you have to see it from start to finish. So as much as it mortifies me to do it, I'm going to post my "before" pics. Because I am 100% confident that I will never see that person again.  I will try to post once a month pictures, so hopefully I will see a positive change. My next post will probably be about my weight loss goals. I completed the first week of the Couch to 5k program and it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, I would highly recommend it for people who are just beginning to run. I will also do Zumba once a week, and maybe throw in some 30 Day Shred or a Biggest Loser Last Chance Workout video in there for good measure, since c25k is only 3 times per week. Since the end of November, I have lost 6.5 lbs, which I am ok with. I was not serious about weight watchers and the exercise portion of my weight loss until this past week. So, I expect that number to be much larger over the next few weeks. (Never hurts to think positively!) Without further adieu, here are the before pics. You've been warned :)